Ik heb verkoudheidsklachten. Ik houd mij keurig aan de regels, sinds ik klachten heb blijf ik binnen. Maandagochtend had ik al geprobeerd online een afspraak te maken. Na drie keer tevergeefs inloggen stond ik ineens wel in een afsprakenscherm. Eén tijdstip in Amsterdam werd mij aangeboden. Dat is wel erg ver rijden, dus maar niet gedaan.

Vanochtend verplaatsten de klachten van mijn keel naar mijn neus. Ik vond het aanleiding genoeg om nog een keer te proberen een afspraak te maken. Online inloggen bij corontest.nl mislukte weer. Dan maar bellen. “Er zijn op dit moment geen lijnen meer beschikbaar.” Kortom, ik kan geen afspraak maken en dus kan ik mij niet laten testen. We zijn echt weer terug in april.

Last night the Dutch prime minister announced new restrictive measurements for the coming three weeks. Since my last confessions, the number of infectious people kept rising at an alarmingly rate. Young adults were the main group to get infected. Not surprising as universities were starting again and students were fed up with not partying like it’s 2019. At first that didn’t have much effect on hospitalizations, but those numbers are going up as well as the virus is now spreading among older age groups as well. Not surprising when you read in the newspaper about young people living in a house with twelve others who flee to their parents as soon as a room mate turns out to be covid positive. I would kindly but surely tell my kid not to visit home and just deal with the consequences.

The restrictions are relatively mild. Apparently a lot of people were back at the office so working from home is the norm again, don’t invite more than three guest in your home (kids younger than twelve not counting), group sizes are considerably lower, cafe’s and restaurants close at ten in the evening, no more audience at sport events and in some cities people are advised to wear face masks in shops.

I knew new restrictions were coming. I therefore thoroughly enjoyed spending the last warm days of September with Man and Daughter walking the hills in Limburg. Mentally I’m preparing myself for six months of going through the motions without a lot of external stimulation. My plan is to spend weekends outdoors as much as we can. Daughter now owns proper walking shoes, so as long as it’s not raining cats and dogs we can go for a hike somewhere in the woods. I also ordered a bigger (and lighter!) bike for her, so we can practice longer distance biking as well.

Daughter caught a cold last week and now it’s my turn. Nothing serious, a sore throat is pretty much the only complaint I have. Therefore I stay at home these days and Man gets Daughter to and from school. I tried to book a test online, but the only option the system gave me was next Wednesday 13:40 in Amsterdam. Test capacity is indeed scarce. Apparently health care organisations and government expected the next wave to come a little later, so contracts were signed this month and next month for scaling up. A little too late. A rather typical pattern for this government. Constantly running behind.

That said, I’m not in the midst of decision making and not in the know of all the complexities that come with it. We all need to improvise based on what is in front of us. The only power I have is to look at my own behaviour. Therefore I’m focusing on preparing my house for the dark months and planning weekend hikes. I guess I’ll dust of some cook books as well and prepare restaurant like dinners every now and then. A great way to involve Daughter with cooking and tasting stuff beyond her somewhat limited taste.

So it’s back to slow life for now and that’s fine.

The end of Summer is here. This is my last week of Summer holiday. I kept working these weeks, but only three days a week. The rest of the week we spent as a family doing fun stuff. This week will end with a few days at a campground with extended family. We do this every year, but this year will be a little bit different. Some family members stay at home, the traditional Saturday meal will not be a collective effort and we will keep our physical distance. The weather will be cold and wet. I don’t particularly look forward to being outside in the cold, but we rented a comfortable tent this time (instead of pitching our own) so it will be less of a hassle. I do look forward to seeing my family again. I can’t wait to hear their stories on how they coped with covid lifestyle, and meet the new baby that was born in the midst of it all. It’s also a perfect environment to celebrate my birthday on Sunday, amidst those I love most.

In the previous confessions I wrote about my increased fear for infections. All over Europe the number of infected people is increasing. The Netherlands is no exception. In February infections were mostly in the (rural) south (carnival probably played a big part), now big cities are mostly worrying about rising numbers. Amsterdam is even contemplating closing the city for tourists. I wasn’t wrong in worrying about countries opening up too soon on too big a scale.

While it is raining outside at the moment and storm Francis will visit us tonight and tomorrow, I realize how lucky we have been the past few months to spend so much time outside. The coming months, which will become colder and wetter will be a new challenge for everyone. Visiting friends and family is a different game when not being able to sit in the garden. Going out requires more planning than ever. While many restaurants had plenty of space outside, seating indoors is very limited.

Next week Daughter will return to school. A new class, new teachers, new rhythm. I long for a steady rhythm during the week. Ever since mid-March I had to readjust my rhythm constantly. From not being able to work to take care of Daughter, back to regular daycare rhythm, then daycare plus school, then back to daycare only for the Summer holiday and next week a new rhythm with five days school and two afternoons daycare for Daughter. Every adjustment takes time for me to get used to. I hope the next change will be a long lasting one, that it will not be interrupted buy school closures and lots of stay-at-home coughs (though testing is now an option).

The past few weeks have been fun mini-breaks, but they were not a great substitute for the three week break from regular life I’m used to during the Summer. My background stress is still there and it’s taking its toll on my neck and mood. I realize I have to prioritize reducing my stress level. I still have a Headspace subscription to help me meditate. I also need to move my body more. Even when it’s raining. That requires a bit more self-encouragement. Hopefully the rain will stay away in September. That would help me find a new rhythm for work, physical activity and motherhood. But that’s for the future, when I’m fourty-two.