For a few weeks now I’m feeling my own uncertainty rise again. Most of Europe is opening up as the numbers of people infected are low. People around me start to cross borders again, some even took a plane to one of the most tourist populated cities pre-covid19, to take it in without the masses. I get that. And I don’t. I long for a break as well, but I don’t think 2020 is the year for extended fun outside the borders of your own country. As much I was hoping for mountain views this Summer, I’ll just have to do with views of endless flatness.

A few weeks ago I felt safer than I do now. Hand sanitizers in shops are often hard to find, so I carry my own bottle. I visited a restaurant, which is run by a single person, and while his seating arrangement is very safe regarding interaction with other customers, his own personal hygiene was not. If he has covid-19, all his guests will have a high likelihood of getting infected.

News headlines read yesterday that there is a large group that shows covid-19 signs, but don’t get themselves tested. Even worse, people confessed to go the supermarket while showing signs of mild illness. I don’t get that. Sure, it’s a hassle to get tested, but I deem it a civic duty to get tested even with the mildest symptoms. Yes, most likely it is a common cold, but that is not a reason not to get yourself tested. I have to deal with a coughing four year old this week and yes, that sucks. We didn’t get to play in the park yesterday even though the weather was perfect. Daughter will not be able to attend her last two days in school before summer break. That’s a pretty big deal for a kid. As much as I want to send her to school to have her first end of school year experience, because it looks like a normal infection, I don’t. We just have to wait it out.

Then there are GP’s who discourage patients to get tested. A family member told me he was suffering from a really strong headache, something out of the ordinary. His GP told him testing was not necessary. Wasn’t severe headache one of the covid-19 signs? So I encouraged my family member to get tested nonetheless. He did, four days after the headache. The test came out negative, but could this be due to delay between day of getting symptoms and day of testing? Seems like a possibility.

So even while the infection numbers are low, I feel less safe than before. To be honest, that comes with a lot of stress. I would really like to have a break from that stress. I would love to drive off to the mountains and get some perspective higher up. But I can’t. Not this year. My risk averse personality won’t let me. I’ll just have to wait it out and hope for better circumstances in 2021.